...I do find garters to be somewhat uncomfortable and refuse to wear them in view of the public. Blue ribbons, and perhaps even garters, are often associated with political commentaries, slapdash policies and assorted haberdashery in Australia.
I am not sure if Australia's head of state finds her own official attire to be materially suitable for a person past the common age of retirement, especially when that person is known to have an enlightened sense of reserve and decorum. Perhaps it all depends on the interest of the public, and on announcements and pronouncements regarding official interest rates.
As you are likely to be quite an ordinary sort of personage yourself, dear reader, even if you have a large quantity of cash, sashes, jewels, garters or ribbons, you may like to know something about world history and its bearing on your future, especially if you happen to be in Australia. Are you at all excited by the topic of interest rates, or would you rather discuss garters?
An interesting history of Reserve Bank cash rates
An immediate announcement of interest
From the Reserve Bank of Australia,
so it was probably quite interesting yesterday
I am quite interested in raising interest rates in relation to respectable literature, as you may know if you have ever visited my library. Many persons who enjoy my own literary products are exceedingly reserved when it comes to the matter of enlightened commentary. Do you write a blog, dear reader? Are your own readers somewhat reserved?
Perhaps, as I do, you use the blogger service kindly provided by Mr Google. I know of several distinguished persons who prefer the generous facilities of Lady Wordpress, though there are a number of other literary assistants able to support the art of blog-pamphleteering, so I believe. There are also several persons able to assist by providing advice on matters of security and suitability.
Yesterday, I had afternoon tea in my Adelaidean parlour with a gentleman of the press by the name of Mr Charles Dickens. Have you ever had tea with Mr Dickens yourself, dear reader? Although the gentleman has a reputation as a writer of some distinction, he is not really known to be reserved, especially on a stage. Yesterday, however, he was somewhat down in the dumps, which surprised me considerably considering it was his 200th birthday.
Mr Dickens was rather upset as his journey across Adelaide had been disrupted by three gruff billy goats. The creatures ran in front of his carriage en route to my little villa, frightening the horses and making them reluctant to continue. It also made rather a mess of Mr Dickens' hairdo and his freshly combed beard. Even worse, it also meant the tea was cold upon his tardy arrival, coldness frequently being an inconvenience even when one is not wearing a sash.
As you may be aware, many of my guests wish to rest in peace after a difficult journey, though Mr Dickens insisted on sitting on one of the most uncomfortable chairs in my parlour. It is the one I usually reserve for visiting politicians and members of the gutter press, the gutless press and the goat-less press. It is even sometimes occupied by a lonely goatherd in a blue satin sash. Perhaps discomfort has a tendency to make some individuals feel more secure.
Mr Dickens did, of course, apologise unreservedly for being late. He was meant to be helping me with the English-language libretto for my opera. As you will most probably already know, dear reader, my opera had its ethereal première some time ago though I am still seeking suitably talented persons for most of the duties connected with the forthcoming materially elegant gala performance in Adelaide. Have you reserved a seat? It is necessary to do so very soon as the tickets are required to be sold out well in advance of anything dramatic happening.
Writing a libretto is difficult when the performers cannot express the words in an understandable and socially suitable way. It is a widespread problem in even the remotest corners of the musical and material worlds. Mr Mozart frequently complains of this himself. He does not think Figaro should sound like Prince Charles, and nor does Mr Dickens. You yourself may sometimes think the same about the BBC's unwarranted liberties with pronunciation. It really gets on Mr Dickens' goat.
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| Adelaide or Melbourne? |
Mr Dickens does not believe goats belong on a stage, although some singers certainly sound like them. This is perhaps more of a problem in Melbourne than it is in Adelaide. Goat-like sounds have a worldwide tendency to be uttered at opera auditions and in many popular music recordings. I have even heard such sounds during Question Time in Canberra.
My own opinion is that stray goats may have something to do with digital trolls, as well as with unpleasant fisher folks blocking the way on bridges, and even on jetties, possibly disguised as goats or satyrs on their way to a saeter or a theatre. Such persons frequently snare the unwary, particularly those with an inability to understand satire or the proper techniques of bel canto. The fishing persons are likely to leave their unsatisfied catches with huge mortgages and other debts and difficulties, even in a place unlike Satis House.
An enlightened Adelaide personage has been examining the problem and I have already thanked that person for their attention to this very important matter. Even if you know nothing at all about good marketing or bad fishing, it is important to know that there are sinister persons who practice a technique known as phishing. These characters are even more unpleasant to encounter than troll-infested waters, goat-infested streets, or bad singing. Mr Dickens believes we should have their goats or guts for garters.
Upon meeting, you will find these characters to bear a remarkable resemblance to persons of highly dubious repute, such as Daniel Quilp (especially if they work in finance and have recently received an exceedingly large bonus), Bill Sikes (such persons perhaps have substantial shareholdings in Australia's mining industry), the Marquis St. Evrémonde, Mr Compeyson or even Mrs Gamp. The phishing bait often entices unaware twitterly and bloggerly strollers, as well as any innocently passing goats, onto some very nasty hooks, or even to the edges of cliffs. Do not kid yourself. This is a very serious matter.
For this reason, you will not see any comments on my blog-pamphlets unless the content is likely to assist the enlightenment of other readers. I use CAPTCHA technology to prevent spam comments. I also treat all unrequested marketing or otherwise promotional or generic material in my email inbox as a discourteous waste of my time, even when I may have once or twice used the services provided by the sender.
You may wish to be enlightened further:
Your inclusions in Adelaide Adagia
Global, digital gatherings
Social media Web.2 Twaklin
A super vision
It is always wise to treat the digital world as if it is mainly inhabited by deluded astrologers and other unenlightened creatures, some of whom may even claim to be economists, goats, ghosts or one of Mr Dickens' characters not at all like Jacob Marley. I hope you will notice, too, that there are no empty compliments from the Uriah Heeps of this world on any of the blog-pamphlets I provide. Nor will you find any silly bickering. Online melodrama is often ubiquitous and ridiculous, unlike the reserved calm here in my little villa.
And do remember that this is not the ABC Drum site, dear reader. However, you may wish to read two articles and their clamoring commentaries as a contrast to my own less rowdy environment:
Are modern media fit to inhabit the fourth estate?
Politics without policy: the age of unbelief
You will find that the percussive and discursive comments in The Drum say a great deal about the demise of good standards, particularly in the responses. The articles themselves say very little upon anything I would wish to comment at present, although Dr Davies certainly makes a timely point regarding the importance of my own duties as a media owner.
We must all try to know and understand our desired audience, as any good marketing person will know. I seek the same enlightened audience in my role as the owner of an Australian news service as I do as the composer of a great opera. I would not wish any of my audience to be trolls or fanatical ideologues. My audience members are quite likely to be geophysicists and novelists of the highest repute, even when they do not usually wear blue ribbons.
Adelaide Adagia is Australia's best known example of an enlightened news media service, as any well-informed person will know. Mr Dickens and I are most pleased whenever our words are read and heard by fair and balanced audiences, as long as our copyright is respected. It is important to maintain, however, that the gutter press should never be considered as part of the fourth estate.
My own literary work, especially as the editor of Adelaide Adagia, is frequently referred to as the garter press, the opposite, of course, being the aforementioned gutter press. Only the garter press can uphold proper standards, hold governments to account, and ensure judgements are reserved whenever necessary.
The garter press gives publicity to great and useful ideas. It never promotes hideous horror stories, horoscopes or horribly insensible comments, unless in a suitably artistic context. The garter press reminds the public that goats are well adapted to hang about on the edges of cliffs, and people are not, unless cliffhangers are a necessary part of one's business model. Some of the gutter press would not even know the difference between goats and votes.
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| A usual topic covered by the gutter press |
The higher forms of the news media always raise awareness of the detrimental consequences a society, a state and a sinister character can have upon real people. Good media also celebrates the best of whatever has already occurred and gives a voice to reasonable persons who are attempting to improve some aspect of the world.
Suspense and sentimentality may increase sales, but a good society requires something better, hence the necessity for a garter press. Mr Dickens is, of course, greatly impressed by my ideas. And he was most pleased yesterday afternoon when I offered him some homemade cheese and olive twists and switched on my bright copper kettle to make a fresh, hot, pot of tea.
Do you have great expectations of a better news media and a healthier digital, social and political environment, dear reader? And shall I reserve a place for you in my parlour and perhaps even for my opera?
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...in the parlour meant for you