Contrarian Variations

Is it your birthday soon?  If so, you may like to vary the occasion from the usual sort of celebrations (with the assistance of Mr Harry Amon and Mr Leonid Hambro).  I know you are probably rather busy trying to arrange a pleasant time with a few friends and family members, but do you have another minute or so to spare (or even just 30 seconds) for Mr Hambro and a friend of his, Mr Victor Borge?

You may consider me to be...


...a contrarian sort of personage of some variety.  Mr Beethoven and Mr Chopin often do.  They often fail to see why I usually prefer the music of Mr Mozart rather than their own, except in exceptional circumstances, such as birthdays.

It may also have come to your notice, dear reader, that I am an ethereal being of exceptionally enlightened, healthy and especially secular credentials.  In view of this, it may not surprise you at all to know that I am often called upon to advise upon exceedingly appropriate yet unexpectedly surprising music for all sorts of events and occasions.

For example, whenever a secular requiem is required for a reasonably enlightened and newly ethereal atheist or agnostic aesthete, the world awaits my announcements with bated breath.  My own breath is usually bated when I am required to sing or speak a long phrase, particularly when in the company of persons well known for their extraordinarily extravagant nicotine addictions and contrarian conversations.

Most of the smoking sorts of persons arrive in the ethereal world long before their due date, meaning that they are referred to as late in the material world and early in the ethereal one.  It is quite an inconvenience here, as you can imagine.  It is almost as difficult to plan for such occurrences as it is to assist the still materially existing human inhabitants of the earth, especially those who direct their efforts towards alleviating poverty and distress in a suitably sustainable manner.

Today, my musical and contrarian duties are taking up rather a large amount of my time, even though I am receiving the assistance of a person called Mary.  She is known to be quite contrarian herself.  We are being advised by another ethereal associate, a person named Jane.

Mary the Contrarian

Mary believes a Mr Christopher Eric Hitchens requires one of our secular requiems, and recommends this tune.  Do you know anything at all about that gentleman, dear reader?  Perhaps you are confused about the question.  I may be referring to Mr Hitchens, Mr Beethoven or Maestro Toscanini.

Jane, on the other hand, believes Mr Hitchens to be something of a contrarian, too, and somewhat contradictory in his longitudinal opinions.  He has also been known for some objectionable comments about women's qualities.  He was misinformed, of course, and deliberately ignored some very important facts.  However, Jane is unsure of the type of music required for Mr Hitchens' requiem.

Jane is annoyed

Enlightened beings are almost always advocates of art, rationality, well-balanced emotions and constructive yet contrarian criticisms.  Religion has often inspired great art in one way or another, directly and indirectly, as well as great stupidity and injustice, yet it has never encouraged true enlightenment or long-term social justice.

In view of the variations in human lives, I have therefore come to the contrarian conclusion that Mr Hitchens may require something like this as a requiem.   I seek your enlightened opinion.


RIP Christopher Hitchens, Mary Wollstonecraft, Jane Austen and Tatiana Troyanos