Seats and Conceits

The seats have been allocated.  The flowers have been arranged.  The transportation and accommodation are both in order.  The institutions are constitutional.  The clothing is quite...


...likely to be acceptable.  The food is hopefully to be commendable.  The conceits are unlikely to be deranged.

Tomorrow, the central institutional pillar of Australia's current political system will be presented through the world's media in the way it usually is, namely as a form of entertainment.  Whether the bride, who may become the mother of a future Australian monarch, will be presented in most commentaries either as a fashion model or a glamour model, appears to be the limit to be expected of mainstream journalistic analysis.  I shall, of course, be providing my usual, inimitable view of important political events, such as the latest royal wedding.  I do hope you will join me.

Remembrance of an earlier royal wedding

Last year, you may recall, dear reader, I had three very important elections to cover in my blog-pamphleteering duties, combining my roles as enlightened commentator with those of campaign manager for the Mozarty Party.  Australia's royal family is the political institution providing the legitimacy for those elections, whether or not you wish to attend a Buckingham Palace garden party, a Mozart tea party, or assist with composing the political policy platforms of the Mozarty Party.

The weather forecast for tomorrow in central London is for possible rain, mild temperatures and the usually predominant cloudiness.  I shall be attending the Australiana breakfast buffet very early in the morning in the Jerusalem Chamber associated with London's Royal Peculiar Collegiate Church of Saint Peter.

Pointing to the vegemite

The wonder white and vegemite are already on the table, according to one of the serving girls.  The bung fritz and berri breakfast juice have been placed in a refrigeration cabinet across the river in Lambeth Palace.  I shall, of course, be required to ensure the wedding guests from foreign royal families are provided with sufficient weet-bix and farmers union iced coffee to prevent their tummies rumbling as the bride walks down the aisle.

I am rather concerned about the quantity of violet crumbles that may be demanded by the republican guests, especially if they decide to munch them during the wedding service rather than within the breakfast service.  Queen Charlotte and I have done our best to ensure that no Jacobins or Jacobites will be in attendance during the ceremony, so breakfast will be a very good occasion in which to watch out for those who try to hide their true intentions.

Although the Commonwealth of Australia and the Commonwealth of Nations are quite full of commoners, Queen Charlotte and I are especially aware of the common public sentiment amongst many British and Australian commoners that freehold ownership of a small part of the planet's surface is a right for all, and should not be a privileged source of income for anyone, however regal.  What are your opinions on the exclusivity of rental and leasehold earnings, dear reader?

Who should pay the rent?

I have tried to persuade Queen Charlotte that most common persons in the material world of today are reasonably well behaved.  Even so, she believes most commoners of humble birth or dubious reputation belong in a debtors' prison once over the age of ten.   This is, of course, a charitable point of view on her part, considering the greater dangers poorer and/or greedier members of society frequently face when exposed to temptation.

Fortunately, Queen Charlotte will have the opportunity to discuss this matter at breakfast tomorrow with some of the wedding guests, including:


Mary Wade

Edward Gibbon Wakefield


Mary, in particular, is a prominent member of Australia's royalty.  She spent some time in her youth in London, living for a while at Bridewell Palace.  That is not the sort of place Queen Charlotte believes suitable for royal brides, though she is currently more concerned that the bride and groom for tomorrow's ceremony may already be on their way to Gretna Green. Mr Wakefield may have suggested that option to them as they may really wish for a more private wedding.

Famous marriage guidance counsellor

A predominant public perception, so my own research tells me, is that the royal family is the public relations wing of the British military establishment, many members of which were at boarding school in Britain with members of the world's various royal families, dictatorships, and other political dynasties.  Alternatively, the public may believe that several persons in the line of succession are secret shareholders in companies manufacturing the most distasteful of royal souvenirs.  Perhaps you can enlighten me, dear reader, on whether there is any truth in either perception.

Whether you think the royal wedding is simply irrelevant to your own life, or you are just annoyed about all weddings because you are currently single, or you believe there are far more important and interesting things to think about than royalty, romance and respect for unearned privileges, then do sit here for a moment or two while my dear friend Joseph Addison and I invite you to join us for some tea.  Would you like milk or sugar, or even both?

Mr Addison and I respect your views, of course, though we ourselves have a duty to be both spectators and witnesses at - and of - the imminent important event in question.  We, you see, know a thing or two about history.  Mr Addison is currently writing a play entitled Kate, Oh, which he tells me is a comedy.

Joe in a Hollywood glamour pose

Whether you believe any girl called Kate is entitled to anything at all is besides the point.   Miss Middleton's views on republicanism are not yet established, though I believe many of her tastes and opinions to have derived from an excellent grounding in art history, and are therefore reasonably well enlightened.  Can we say the same for your own awareness of the world, dear reader?

Now, Mr Addison, who does not mind being called Joe during tea, created a very important publication with his associate Sir Richard Steele, which has almost reached the eminence of my own blog-pamphlet creations.  The two gentlemen believe that the purpose of their own publication is to enliven morality with wit, and to temper wit with morality... to bring philosophy out of the closets and libraries, schools and colleges, to dwell in clubs and assemblies, at tea-tables and coffeehouses.  It seems to me, therefore, that we think very much alike.

Whilst the gentlemen consider their publication to be an essential part of the tea-equipage in any enlightened parlour, I do find some of their ideas to be quite dated in the 21st century.  You may believe the same of a current publication of the same name, dear reader, though I am reasonably supportive of any type of journalism that ignores the sillier aspects of popular culture, and the extremes of distasteful reportage.

Mr Gillray's portrayal of the Queen

Miss Middleton, I am sure, shares some of the concerns Queen Charlotte is known to hold about the liberties taken by those professing to serve the public interest through journalism, whether in words or pictures.  I am sure she is also concerned about tomorrow's weather forecast, both in London and in Adelaide.

My own coverage of the royal wedding will begin tomorrow after breakfast, probably around 8am in London and 4.30pm in Adelaide.  I do hope you will be in attendance.