Vichyssoise Diplomacy

After a few days of rest, especially after turning down all invitations to win a free trip to the Sydney Oprah House, I am able to...

...resume my duties at the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence in a delightfully refreshed and relaxed mood.  This puts me in the right frame of mind to compose the curriculum for our Win a Free Diplomacy Course.

Mr Thomas Paine - Guest Lecturer

I am wondering how the nation now known as the United States can claim to lead the world when many of its citizens have never taken the trouble to visit any of their global neighbours, or even to look at a world map.  Those United States citizens who claim to have travelled widely appear just to gossip about people in silly ways when asked to act in any official capacity.  Some have even been known to sell armaments around the world or to drop off free samples all over the place. 

Unlike unenlightened medical students who do not bother to learn the rudiments of anatomy before embarking on the study of surgery, students of diplomacy should become aware of the rudiments of journalism and geography before sitting for the first portraits for their passports.

Earlier this year, on 15 January in fact, I provided a very useful diplomatic definition within my Adelaide Adagia blog-pamphlet:

Definition of a celebrity:  
A highly paid sales assistant.

I have been tidying up that blog-pamphlet today and thought I would place some of its information here.  I do hope you will find Adelaide Adagia useful, whether you are a diplomat, a medical student, a journalist, an opera singer, a talk show host or a prospective tourist.

Guest lecturer with leaked cables

It may also be worthwhile pointing out here that I do not appreciate noisy tourists or noisy neighbours or noisy audience members or noisy protesters as they are frequently beings of the most unenlightened variety.  Is it true that audience members of television talk shows usually sound as if they are in a constant state of crisis?  Are most of them members of the diplomatic corps?

Unofficial ambassadors should usually be better informed than official ones, even if they are unable to make a Vichyssoise.  The most important unofficial ambassadors include taxi drivers, bus drivers, customs officers, immigration officers, hotel reception staff, hotel cleaning staff, shop assistants, waiting staff in eateries, and enlightened blog pamphleteers.  These personages provide the reality.  Media personnel and tour operators merely provide the hype.

In view of the above, I would expect all Adelaide taxi drivers to be able to read an Adelaide street directory, and to have one on hand if they do not have access to a global positioning system.  I would expect them to be able to know the road rules, and to follow them with courtesy and precision.  They should be thoroughly aware of all appropriate protocols and pleasantries, and to have the ability to converse in at least two languages, one of which should include standard English.

Taxi drivers, even if they are also medical students, should be able to answer - and ask - the following questions, like all of Adelaide's unofficial ambassadors, even when asked by journalists, chat show hosts, or even presenters of Hypotheticals:


With more hot weather on the way, what do you enjoy doing most during Adelaide's long, hot days?

What should people appreciate most about living in Adelaide?

Do you think Adelaide usually has the world's the most pleasant weather?


What do you appreciate most about Adelaide?

Who do you believe to have been Adelaide's most historically important individuals, and why?

Do you think Adelaide is, comparatively, an elegant city?


What should people appreciate most about visiting Adelaide?

Where are the most romantic places in Adelaide?

The best of Adelaide means different things to different people. What does it mean to you?


Queen Adelaide has informed me that she is not at all acquainted with Queen Oprah.  Which of them should take precedence at a diplomatic event, dear reader?

Tonight, I am hosting a diplomatic dinner here in my little Adelaidean villa.  The first course will be Vichyssoise, with all ingredients produced locally in South Australia.  Fortunately, the basic stock with leeks, onions and potatoes freezes well and is currently defrosting.  All I will need to add later is the cream.

I have heard, however, that many diplomats have an aversion to leeks.  Perhaps you can advise me on this matter.  Fortunately, only official, ethereal personages will be in attendance at dinner, with precedence as follows:


1. Her Majesty Queen Adelaide

2. The Right Honorable Sir Isaac Isaacs

3. Sir Henry Young

4. Sir Edmund Barton

5. Sir Frederick Holder

6. Sir Walter Kingsmill

7. Sir Frank Gavan Duffy

He has other dinner plans

I have assured my dinner guests that there will be no personages present from the United States of America.  This means that my guests can relax and enjoy a few glasses of South Australian wine, without have to worry that their conversations will be revealed to all and sundry in the years ahead.

My guests are still official ambassadors for Australia, of course, and probably always will be, at least in enlightened circles.  I wonder how may chat show hosts or Adelaidean taxi drivers are familiar with any of my guests and acquaintances.

You may even think, dear reader, that some of the blog pamphlet recollections of encounters in my parlour are somewhat like attendances at ethereal chat shows. However, it has sadly come to my attention that many persons, on both sides of the Pacific, are unaware of the visit to Australia in 1960 of Mr Paul Robeson (1898-1976), or the 1962 visit of Miss Marian Anderson (1897-1993), two of the most magnificent artists ever to grace our shores.

I have taking it upon myself to remedy this situation, with the assistance of Mr Mozart and Mr Handel, wherever and whenever these recordings were made:


Mr Robeson singing O' Isis and Osiris

Miss Anderson singing He Shall Feed His Flock


Now, do excuse me while I work out what else to feed my guests.  Perhaps I should make a telephone call for a North American style take-away, or maybe even send a cable or two.  No army privates (or private armies) will be present to prevent our privacy so hopefully there will be no embarrassment on the culinary or conversational sides.

However, I did ask my kitchen staff to prepare an emergency lasagna.  Unfortunately, one of them mistook Thai curry sauce for béchamel.  There will need to be an investigation into the matter.

Required reading

 ...for kitchen staff and diplomatic staff

with Mr Gutenberg's assistance

In the meantime, you may wish to enrol on the diplomacy course outlined above.  If so, do let me know.  Even serving diplomats may attend, though please note that there is no immunity or impunity permitted as far as our academic assignments are concerned.

Perhaps even South Australian state government ministers should attend as it appears that they believe they should establish expensive trade missions around the world instead of good hospital services here in Adelaide.  Have they not heard about online social networking or section fifty one of the Australian constitution?